Here's a picture of one of the beachs I ride to, only 2 miles from campus, I'm very spoiled by all this beautiful coast that my school is nearby :)
I then just studied the afternoon and worked on my play I am writing for my script class, it has to be 50-60pgs as its a 1 Act, so its alot of work, plus two other papers, so I'm defiently in the final countdown of the semester:)I go home in five days, and before I was thrilled about it, by now I'm not so sure, having to deal with my mom, is one of the biggest reasons, I don't want to go home, and at home its usually a bigger trigger then college, with her comments mixed with the anxiety and stress in my house due to my younger brother is putting my parents through alot.
So unless I'm at a dangerously low weight, she doesn't believe I have any problems that some dieting or exercise can fix, so hard to explain to her my problems without feeling like a attention seeker, so hard, as I've been the child in my family, who's been the most independent and never needed helps. I've been really honest with her this year, and telling her what I've been going through for the last five, but now I realize I have to want recovery for myself even if I don't have the help of my parents or their concern, its just hard as I'm now 21 and it seems like yesterday I was 16 and going through the worst of my behaviors right in front of their eyes, and they never tried to help me, and I feel like I want their attention, and I know that I need to get over this desire as they will never fulfill this need for me. So hard to say but, true to tell myself.
Well sorry for all the ranting/long story
I'm glad today was today and I was able to enjoy the sunshine and the lovely weather!
5 comments:
i love that pic on your blog! thanks so much for the comment :)
im sorry about your mum situation :( that sounds difficult.
i truly think that if eating/calories/exercise takes up too much time-- its a big problem! (i was never 'diagnosed' with ED bc i didnt meet all the criteria-- so i call mine DE for disordered eating).
if you ever need anything just let me know girl. you will get through this
I think that its really really common for girls with eating disorders to be the independent ones in their families. That is definitely how I was- my parents never had to worry about me- until I crashed and needed residential treatment. My parents did the same thing- ignore my symptoms even when I was at my worst. It wasn't until I got caught by a teacher at school that I ended up in treatment. I hope everything at home works out. Glad you enjoyed the beautiful day :)
love the pic hun :)
im sorry about the mum situation, family relationships can be so hard and painful.
stay positive about recovery girlie!
much love
xxxx
oh, girl, so sorry about your frustrations about your mother. ED is a tough thing to understand (heck, I have it and still don't understand it myself!). I think the best you can do is to try to open up to your mother as best as you can so that she can understand you, even if she can do nothing to help. it's nice to have someone at least TRY to understand, you know? my parents don't understand me and never will, but they still try to, and that makes all the difference for me.
I hope all works out ok. Sending you lots of hugs.
gorgeous picture :)
glad to hear your listening to your body!! have a great weekend
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