Wonderful Weekend at Home

I got to bake since I've been home, I made the recipe for 10 Grain muffins on the back of Bob's Red Mill package and I added raisin and some cinnamon to spice them up, they were so delicious with some strawberry jam from whole foods

I also got to try this new currant drink blended with passionfruit since I've been home, the only thing is its super sweet so I had to dilute it with water, but I loved the flavor I think it would be even better with some sparkling water. I got it on sale for 98 cents can't beat that as its usually almost 2.50 at the market.
I bought some Japanese language books at Barnes and Nobles while down in the city with my friend to get ready for my trip to Japan I really need to brush up, its been a couple years since my last class


I'm so glad that I was able to go home for the last couple days, its been so renewing and awesome its hard to want to go back to school, I talked to my mom and she is understanding more about my struggles and it has gone well. I feel that as I get older that my mom realizes my past behaviors and has now seen a major change in my attitude about life in general and how much different I am when not deep into my ed, and it has been a much happier time at home now, without all ed pulling me down, I enjoyed my weekend, I got to go to Philly this past Thursday and I ate at two amazing places
Pita Pi, where I got a delicious falafel pita, and Capogiro for the most amazing gelato with a close friend where I had an amazing combo of nutella, and a papaya flavor gelato, I had such a good time and it was nice to have some good food other then college. I also got to go to this Chocolate Cafe and got a Bangkok truffle that was infused with tea and lemongrass flavors, it was alot of fun to try and just enjoy the sunshine and walking around. In all this weekend has been such a good bonding experience with my close friends and my family, and it was relaxing, its hard to want to go back to school, but now I feel refreshed and recharged and ready to tackle the last four weeks of college
I got to try this delicous combo, my first breakfast at home, so good, weetabix, strawberries, and a container of my favorite stonyfield blueberry yogurt, ahh I could eat this every morning, it was so good I bought some weetabix and some almond milk to try back at school


I also bought a bunch of luna bars, and kashi, and my favorite cadbury and green and blacks to bring back with me to college, so excited to try some of these mojo bar flavors too:)Well, Enjoy your Easter Weekend:), I'm so sad that its almost over

Reminders of Beauty and Life

Today I started out positive I went for a bike ride after breakfast of Kashi Go Lean,plain yogurt, and raisins, and went to the beach to do my quiettime, it felt so peaceful and serene, but then when it came to lunch ed started bothering me, with questions of "You don't deserve to eat" and kept pounding into me, I almost went into binge mode, but then I tried one of my techniques just to remove myself and think about something else and go read a book, and also to figure out what started this. Now I'm glad to say it worked and I was able to stop myself mid-binge and talk myself out of it, I'm so glad that I'm able to realize that I have the strength to do this:)

Such a good feeling, and yesterday me and my brother went out to the cutest cafe and got goatcheese, and pesto paninis w/ carrot ginger soup,it was very relaxing and nice to share a meal with family, I'm so glad to be able to have these moments and also the strength now to realize when I'm going back to ed, this journey, is making me stronger, I feel like from what I was a couple months ago, I have changed hugely and am ready to face the world. I also saw my friend last night who is also recovering from an ed and she is doing very well, and it was so encouraging to see her strength, she had as she fought.
I'm ready to do the same, and get better:) Yes, to seeing alot of beautiful days ahead and to growing in recovery and getting through the hardships.

Yes to going home in two days to philly for Easter:) with my family and seeing my closest friends

Beautiful Saturday

I've had an amazing Friday and Saturday:)
I spent last night with Friends and we went to a show on campus called "Golden Goose" its when 3 guys from every class, is picked and has to perform a stage act and make a video and then the best class wins:) So it was alot of fun,
Today I woke up pretty late and cleaned up my room and again went for a lovely bike ride to the beach and treated myself to some ice cream and not feel guilt about it. I got Missippi Mud w/coffee and orea in chocolate ice cream a delicious combo, and so nice to just sit by the water and relax.
I also bought this new oatmeal to try from Shaws its really good and its organic a plus
I will just say it was delish w/ a bit of silk soymilk
I am so glad to be able to live/ to live fully and not just live halfheartedly, I will live up to my full potentional and not let ed pull me down. This realization of how much better life is without ed is a reminder to me, not to let ed pull me down, but I know I will have many struggles ahead, I'm going to keep on making it and smiling everyday, and find the good things in life and not focus on all the negatives.Life is full of worries and struggles
Every moment a breath is taken, a heart races
Glimpses of life and brightness meet thine eyes
All is not lost in this moment of sorrow, or the pains of hardship
Grasp deeper and pull yourself unto the wings of endurance
Survivors we are and overcomers we will triumph through these times
-Lots of love and keep pushing through this girls
Emmy

Day of Questions

Today I listened to my body, and tried to eat what I needed and the nutrition I need after restricting for a while, I had an amazing lunch after my bike ride to the beach of Sushi and a Green Machine Smoothie:) all my favs

Here's a picture of one of the beachs I ride to, only 2 miles from campus, I'm very spoiled by all this beautiful coast that my school is nearby :)
I then just studied the afternoon and worked on my play I am writing for my script class, it has to be 50-60pgs as its a 1 Act, so its alot of work, plus two other papers, so I'm defiently in the final countdown of the semester:)
I go home in five days, and before I was thrilled about it, by now I'm not so sure, having to deal with my mom, is one of the biggest reasons, I don't want to go home, and at home its usually a bigger trigger then college, with her comments mixed with the anxiety and stress in my house due to my younger brother is putting my parents through alot.
So unless I'm at a dangerously low weight, she doesn't believe I have any problems that some dieting or exercise can fix, so hard to explain to her my problems without feeling like a attention seeker, so hard, as I've been the child in my family, who's been the most independent and never needed helps. I've been really honest with her this year, and telling her what I've been going through for the last five, but now I realize I have to want recovery for myself even if I don't have the help of my parents or their concern, its just hard as I'm now 21 and it seems like yesterday I was 16 and going through the worst of my behaviors right in front of their eyes, and they never tried to help me, and I feel like I want their attention, and I know that I need to get over this desire as they will never fulfill this need for me. So hard to say but, true to tell myself.
Well sorry for all the ranting/long story
I'm glad today was today and I was able to enjoy the sunshine and the lovely weather!

I'm Back

I haven't been on in a while, due to I've been fighting hard against my ed, and just trying to figure things out, I basically gave in, and fought my way out, I kept thinking it was easier to go back, but it wasn't, I realized now, my only option is recovery, if I want to be happy and end my cycle of restricting and binging, and this came at a good time, as in less then two months, I'm flying to Japan on May 20th:) I just got my plane ticket, so yes, happy news, and my goal is to become free from this horrid disorder, I want to challenge myself, by taking one day at a time, and I have exactly 50 days before I go, so I'm wicked excited:) and I go home next week, for a well deserved break from school too.
I've been listening alot to help improve my terrible mandarin with some Wang Lee Hom, who's one of my favorite taiwanese singers:)