Staying Strong and Safe: Warning may trigger

Today was amazing, but still challenging, I need to work on calming my emotions and letting myself relax, in a frantic mode today i bike to the beach, read for a couple hours, biked even more, then proceeded to skip a meal, then binged in the evening, lets just say I'm not quite happy with myself right now, for doing so many ED Behaviors and giving in. My mother had a good chat with me tonight, and she told me my body is crying out for food, as I'm a strong women who needs to eat. I realize how stupid I've been being, basically not eating all day, denying myself what I love, not sleeping, and then binging every night on junk foods that give no nutrition to my body and give me an upset stomach. It seems like everytime I do let myself indulge, I make it some sort of punishment, as I never enjoy it. After assessing today and the last couple years, I realized my self hatred towards my body and who I am as a person, is causing me to treat myself like a second class citizen. where has respect go for myself, and the beautiful person God has created me to be. In my mind I know I cannot get better from this ED without first excepting myself and who the Lord made me to be with all my flaws and gifts. Now I realize that I must be strong, and I need more of a schedule and mentally I need to prepare myself for spending the next four months studyiny in China:)