Becoming Vegan and Enjoying it!

I am experimenting with maybe committing to becoming a vegan, I was one for about one year in high school and am aware of how to do it and everything. I always have loved alot of vegan goods Soy delicious ice cream is almost the only ice cream I eat, I love raw tofu plain, I eat soy yogurt alot, and I prefer soy and almond milk and have never been a fan of regular milk since high school. With all the realizations of how little I actually eat things that aren't vegan besides my big fav which is fish, which is something I'm still asking myself can I give it up and not let ed take part in this whole choice. As right now its a personal choice not driven by ed as I feel free of it more when I'm eating things I love and that I believe help the environment. Some new vegan eats that I've been enjoying are:

So Delicious Coconut yogurt I will just say is amazing, I luv this stuff, I had the coconut milk ice cream they make before, but this yogurt surprised me. I've tried alot of different soy yogurts alot of times unimpressed except for Silk which I really enjoy, but this stuff is right up there with me and I can happily replace my greek yogurt and start eating this:)

I had to sneak one of these in the other day in my grocery cart, read about in this book

Lets just say it might be the icing on the cake, when it comes to making the choice to become vegan, jk, I really do love my vegs and everything else out there too:)

Kicked Eds But!!!!!!!!!!!

I started therapy and my first session went well, i had a hard weekend of restricting and then tonight i binged on a bunch of sugar free stuff, leaving me with a horrible stomache and thats when I decided I'm sick of feeling sick and making myself this way. So embracing this positive thought, I threw away all my diet products right into the trash, and said take that E.D. This is my life:)


I want to be free like I was last semester in China, free to think, free to live, free to embrace life, and free to eat. I was happy in China even though I gained some weight from trying to recover, it was better then what I'm like now!

Start at Therapy

I finally made a big step two weeks ago, and decided to go to therapy, I been hanging unto my disorder far too long, and having too many set-backs while doing recovery on my own, so I choose to try it out! It was so hard to make the appointment, I kept finding myself saying, "I don't really need it, and I'm not as bad as I used to be with my ed." Coming back from China, and Japan and realizing that none of my behaviors have dissappeared and some of them dug even deeper.
I knew I needed to make this commitment!
It was hard when I walked in two weeks ago to my first appt. but it went well, it was akward and for sure extremely stressful, but I pulled through and made the best of it.
Last night was my second appt. now I have mixed feelings, we talked about alot that I've never really told anyone, and brought up alot of emotions.
My eating disordered self said, "Just don't go back, you really don't need it, and you are doing fine with your dieting and this is just getting in the way of all that"
But I gave it a good night of journaling and a long walk to think and realized
I want recovery, and I know if I back-out of therapy that I will continue down this path.
So I chose therapy!!

College Life/ Last Semester

I got back to college last week, it's been a crazy two weeks since then, as I lost my Pop/Grandfather, and I miss him so much.
I am also glad to be back with my friends and see all of them.
The luxury of finally being in an apartment this semester and being able to eat what I like:)
The weather today is like this:Then I enjoyed some bites of addictive goodness this afternoon, I love these, because they are just plain satsifying.Then I am now completing some of my work which means reading lots and lots of this:

Which is just blah right now!!!

Life on Hold

I've had a good day, simply simple and fantastic

I've been enjoying being on break and just relaxing and taking it all in, I mean the U.S.A of course

I'm going through culture re-entry which sometime

s makes me want to scream, but its all part of a process.

On the food front I treated myself to my favorite iced tea!!!!!!!!! I love the mango flavor, and there is no fake sweeteners in it and its organic:) I a little pricey for ice tea, but it was refreshing

Enjoying the Holidays and My top Favorite things of 2009

Happy Holidays, and I'm back to Blogging

Going to China and Studying for 4 months and making it through even with all the challenges and hard times, was able to make it an amazing experience

Drinking Bubble Tea and not regretting it

Reading lots and lots of good books and being able to explore, and be part of so many different stories and far away lands and lives

Spending a two months working at College and enjoying the beautiful Ocean, and just thinking and writing poetry

Outdoor Girl

Today I did one of my favorite things, I went for a long bike road along the coast and packed a sweet hummus sandwhich and ate it while sitting and looking out over the water. I can't think of a better way to spend my afternoon:) I struggled once I came back though, when I'm not busy, alone, and have free time I struggle the most. But I fought the urges to binge, but my stomach felt pretty bad most of the day after last night's binge, from all the foods I ate. My body is basically telling me in its own way, it can't handle my eating disorder anymore. I realize now is the time to change, as I'm only 21 and have so much ahead of me. Now is not the time to let ED ruin my body or my life. So after my sweet bike ride, I read a bit a book Brothers by Da Chen, its really interesting, and enjoyable. Then tonight I made pancakes w/ some friends for dinner, too much sugar though so I feel a little sick still. I super senesitive since my Ed to Caffeine, and proccessed foods, probably since i restricted / ate super healthy all through high school, until my binging in college started. So my body is basically not too happy this week. Hopefully tommorow it will feel better:)