Standing up for myself!

It all started with a simple latte this afternoon and a nasty barista, that led me to this finding!

When someone is rude or hurtful to me I turn to my eating disorder!

The situation:
This afternoon I went to get a latte at a quite expensive place, and I needed one quarter back in change, so I asked if I could have my change in quarters. The guy very rudely said, "We don't do that here."
I felt upset at first and almost apologized at my request, but I stayed strong, no apology and reminded myself It wasn't a big favor to ask when I just spent four dollars on a latte there! hmmmmmmmmmmmm, so in the past, I would have apologized, went back to my apartment, and beat myself up and use behaviors.

Today, I smiled as I left, yes, I was upset and did pour my latte down my kitchen sink drain. But I didn't use behaviors and let it go, I just won't go back there for coffee again..

Situation two/ trigger 2

Was out with friends and ate one reeses cup with the comment of your eating alot of chocolate tonight from another friend.
I stuck to my guns, and at first let it bother me, but then let the comment pass, after thinking through the situation and noticing the rest of the night how this same friend apologized for what she was eating or if she ate too much, so she wasn't too happy with herself I noticed as she apologized for eating another caramel apple hmmmmmmmmm?

I did go home and beat myself up, but kept thinking of how this friend's comment was more about her own insecurity around food, and not just targeted at me.
I stopped beating myself up, and let myself enjoy one of my biggest fear foods, and did it moderately!

Update/ ED Recovery

Well, it's been over six months since I lasted posted, and I've fallen down a slippery slope
Alot has happened in six months and alot has changed.
-I graduated from College in May with my BA in English Literature but, I b/p so bad the night before and ran 15 miles to miss out on part of my ceremony, that I was a mess.
-Got a job teaching English as a Second Language to Chinese Immigrants full time, worked 10 hours a day from May-Currently and loving my job, but letting my eating disorder take control of my life again
-Started restricting again and it's strange but I went from struggling mostly with bulimia to now anorexic behaviors, and have lost too much weight
-Felt like a failure Last Week/ Crisis mode/ Now going to a IOP day program for eating disorders to get my life back


I start Monday, and I'm scared, scared to give up my ED, scared to face the reality of the damage I've done to my body from my ED and scared to face refeeding!

I've learned so much from these last months, I've grown, I moved into my own apartment outside Boston, I fell in love, so many good things too!!!


A road to new beginnings......... A new story.......